Most people know how to make friends: say hello, offer a smile, maybe share a cup of tea. But when you’re a parent of a child with SEND, making friends changes. It isn’t strange, just different—and often more genuine and meaningful than you might expect.
So here it is. The unofficial, mostly unspoken and entirely flexible guide to making friends when SEND is part of your parenting journey.
Often, the connection begins with a glance. It’s not the usual school-gate nod or the small talk by the Lego table. It’s the look that says, “Your child is pacing the room, and mine is lining up the toy cars. Shall we sit together and not feel like we have to explain anything?” When you find that, you’ve found your person.
It can be tricky. You might not know if their child has just been excluded, if they’re dealing with an EHCP review, or if the word mainstream is a sore spot. Safer questions are, “Where does your child feel most supported?” or just, “How’s your week going?” Extra points if you ask while you're both wiping Play-Doh off your jeans.
That's why SEND friendships often thrive at unusual hours. Late-night texts about sleep regressions, sensory meltdowns or the sheer emotional toll of holding everything together all the time. These are your meaningful conversations. You may never meet in daylight, but you’ll know their child’s favourite snack, current sensory toy and their next hospital appointment by heart.. They become part of your safety net, even if your friendship exists mostly through screens.
Coffee next week? Sounds lovely. Will it happen? Possibly not. Between therapy appointments, fatigue, last-minute school issues and children who simply refuse to leave the house, social plans stay flexible. Real SEND friends get this. You can cancel twice, show up flustered and wearing odd shoes, and no one will bat an eye. There is no judgement here, only understanding.
Rather than bonding over milestones, you’ll connect through shared challenges and victories. Your friendship won’t be about whose child crawled first or who got the headteacher’s award. It will be built on stories like, “We made it through the supermarket without anyone crying,” or “She wore socks today. Actual socks.” You’ll laugh, nod, and share the emotional load of meetings, paperwork, and endless decisions. That’s what SEND friendship looks like. Progress is different here, and your friends will understand without needing it explained.
From those shared moments, SEND friendships move quickly. One moment you’re talking about chewy necklaces, and the next you’re discussing sensory diets or delays with EHCP plans. These connections are deep because so much is at stake. When someone understands your daily challenges without a long explanation, you’ve found someone you can trust.
And together, you’ll celebrate the tiny wins: they remembered their coat, they tried something new, even if it was short-lived. The best friends celebrate the things that often go unnoticed. They know a small step for someone else can be a huge leap for your child. They’ll cheer loudly for things others might miss.
Maybe one of you prefers voice messages and the other communicates in memes. That doesn’t matter. If they make you laugh, respect your child, and never suggest “a bit of tough love,” you’re already halfway to being best friends. Shared values are much more important than shared hobbies.
The best SEND friendships are patient. They understand when you go quiet and always pick up where you left off. Maybe it’s a voice note here or a small gift there. When you finally do catch up, it feels like no time has passed—except now you both have stronger opinions about sensory circuits and how many bananas a child should eat in a day. Life gets busy, but real friendships adjust rather than break.
SEND parenting can sometimes feel lonely. A friend who really gets it is worth their weight in comfort and sanity. They will not flinch at your honesty. They will speak fluent acronyms. They will make you feel less alone on the days when everything feels a bit too much.
And one day, they might even turn up with biscuits. No questions asked. Because sometimes, love looks like snacks, listening and someone who understands the journey you’re on.
This piece is written with humour to highlight the importance of friendships and the support that often develops as parents navigate the SEND journey together.
Disclaimer: The information in this article is provided for general interest and should not be considered medical, therapeutic or educational advice. Families are encouraged to seek support from qualified professionals regarding individual needs or concerns.