In conversation with Rachid, an EMCC-accredited Senior Practitioner and coaching psychologist.
We dive into how coaching can support the parent behind the care plan, blending psychology with practical, down-to-earth strategies that help adults build confidence, resilience and clarity in the middle of uncertainty. It’s an honest look at what parents can do for themselves, why it matters, and how small changes can make a real difference.
I use evidence-based models from areas like Cognitive Behavioural, Acceptance and Commitment, and Positive Psychology to help individuals develop the mental, emotional, and behavioural "toolkit" they need to thrive, especially during periods of high stress, change, or challenge. My role is to be a non-judgemental thinking partner, helping people navigate complex situations, build resilience, and move from feeling stuck to feeling capable and purposeful.
Parenting a child with SEND is one of the most profound and demanding journeys a person can undertake. It often involves navigating complex systems, managing constant uncertainty, and coping with high levels of stress, all while being a child's primary advocate and source of love and stability.
Psychological coaching is specifically applicable because it focuses on the parent's wellbeing and capacity as the engine of the entire family system. You cannot pour from an empty cup. I help parents:
In short, I support the architect of the support system, so families can build a resilient and fulfilling life for their child and themselves.
Three evidence-based models are particularly powerful in this context:
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Model: This is invaluable. Instead of fighting against complex thoughts and feelings ("I can't cope," "This isn't fair"), ACT teaches us to make room for them, accept them as a normal part of the journey, and still take action guided by our values. For a SEND parent, this might mean acknowledging the stress, uncertainty and system-related frustrations that often come with a diagnosis, while still committing to being the persistent, loving advocate their child needs.·
Solution-Focused Coaching (SFC): When you're in the trenches, it's easy to get bogged down by problems. SFC shifts the focus to solutions. We identify what's already working—even in small ways—and do more of it. We get crystal clear on a preferred future ("What would a 'good week' look like?") and build step-by-step, practical plans to get there. It’s empowering and practical.
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching (CBC): This helps us understand the powerful link between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. For example, the thought "I'm failing my child" can lead to feelings of despair and exhaustion, which then leads to inaction. CBC provides tools to challenge and reframe these unhelpful thought patterns, breaking the cycle and freeing up mental energy for effective action.
Reduced Burnout & Stress: They have practical tools to manage their nervous system and emotional load, leading to better sleep, health, and patience.
Increased Psychological Flexibility: They can adapt to setbacks more quickly and don't get "hooked" by every difficult thought or emotion.
Clarity and Confidence: They move from reactive crisis management to proactive, values-led parenting and advocacy.
Improved Problem-Solving: They can step back, see challenges more clearly, and generate effective solutions.
A Reclaimed Sense of Self: They remember they are not only "a SEND parent," but a whole person with their own identity, needs, and values.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Elite athletes have coaches to maximise their performance. This is the same principle: you are in a high-stakes role, and coaching is about giving you the support to perform at your best for yourself and your family.
"The coach will tell me how to parent my child."
I am not a SEND expert on your specific child. You are the expert on your child. I am an expert in the process of human change and resilience. My role is not to give you a parenting manual, but to help you write your own.
Investing in your own psychological well-being is not a luxury or an act of selfishness. It is a critical, non-negotiable part of being able to care for your child long-term. It is the single most effective thing you can do to improve your child's ecosystem.
Put your own oxygen mask on first.
This airline safety instruction is the perfect metaphor. You are of no help to your child if you are unconscious. This means you must consciously, deliberately, and consistently attend to your own well-being without guilt.
This isn't about grand gestures. It's about the micro-moments: the five-minute quiet cup of tea, the acknowledging of one small victory in a hard day, the asking for help.
Your capacity to love, advocate, and persevere is your child's greatest resource. Nurture that resource fiercely. Your resilience is your child's inheritance.
It has been a pleasure to share these thoughts with you. The work SEND EDventures does in creating community is a powerful part of the "oxygen mask" for parents, and I commend you for it.
Rachid Choaibi, GMBPsS
EMCC Senior Practitioner Coach
youngscape.co.uk
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this interview are those of the individual or organisation featured and do not necessarily represent or reflect the position of SEND EDventures.